Tag: marriage

A Jump Into the Abyss of the Soul

Posted on by S.A. LyonHeart

From 2009

I am called to remember the difficult time during my separation and divorce in 2000.  On one level I was experiencing the frightening ecstasy of freedom from mental and emotional bondage, along with the guilt and shame of insisting on the tearing apart a family (which I’d sworn I’d never do), and on another level I was focused on creating a new healthy environment for myself and my three sons, who were also experiencing the divorce in their own ways.  During this turbulence, I found great solace in the rivers, the water. At that time, I had jumped into the abyss of the unknown of what our lives were going to look like without the status quo and “comfort” of married life.  Even though I knew it was the right decision, I was suddenly in the land of the unknown and the uncertain, and faced many perceived obstacles, but I had come to a Buddhist understanding of “being okay with it not being okay”.

As I stood by various rivers through this time, I watched the water flow over and under the rocks, create waterfalls and swirling pools. I watched the slow smooth even flow of water where there were fewer rocks and more open range.  It was during one of my contemplations that I realized that the water is like my soul.  The water may experience rocks and dams, and huge drop offs, however none of it affects the essence of the water.  Where there are fewer rocks and drop offs, the water appears to be peaceful and calm.  The water is still water, the rocks and turns don’t take anything away from the water, they help change it’s course and cause turbulence, increased energy and excitement.  Yet, ultimately, the water finds its way to the bigger and bigger bodies of water, eventually intermingling with itself in the ocean.  Then there is the process of evaporation, cloud forming and movement, and condensation with rain forming to fall on different parts of the Earth, for the cycle to begin again.

I had a dream last night about the ocean.  About the vastness, about the immense diversity of life and color within the sea.  Even though the details of the dream are a bit foggy, and dampened by the concrete mind at this point, I do recall the feeling of humbly being one with the ocean, infinitely, and infinitesimally.  I understood as a soul that I am a part of the ocean, and that I am the ocean.  No circumstance, or rock, can ever change that.  There is a saying in the metaphysical world about dipping into the ocean of God or Source, or All-Beingness, and it is up to each of us how much we dip in, whether it be with a teaspoon, a cup, a bucket, or even being subsumed by its entirety.  To me, this is about how much we trust and allow in our soul’s comfort and the Universal Love that is always around us in the sea of Life.

You are not a drop in the ocean.  You are the entire ocean in a drop – Rumi

The Sea of Life is an Abyss of unknowing yet absolute Knowing, and often takes an enormous amount of trust to take steps forward when we cannot see beyond each step.  I know as human beings we oscillate between this trust and knowing and wanting to be in control of events in our lives. The other distinct feeling I had in the dream was the humility in realization that we think in our little minds that we have some control over the vastness of the Universe, and can change the ocean, or the planet.  Truly our realizing and knowing, which is a bigger step than believing, that we are One with the ocean, One with the planet, and One with One-another, and we can rest peacefully in the abyss of the ocean, and flow with the Universal Love.

Further interesting to contemplate water as a great majority of each of our bodies consists of water.  This is the same water that flows in the rivers, comprises the ocean, the clouds, the rain and snow, is in the polar ice caps, in the plants and animals, and all humans, continually being recirculated throughout the Earth’s system.  The water isn’t decreased or increased, its substance is continually circulated throughout Life and the environment.

I strive for this Ocean of Knowing to be my new status quo, my comfort, as I continue this human life in these very interesting times for our planet.  And, as my own personal life is again in great flux, where it actually has been since 1999, all I can do is listen to my intuition, my guides, continue to connect with those dear to me and to take care of the vessel, express as I need to express, and take action where I am inspired to take action, while releasing the need to know, the impatience for ‘security’, and the how it’s all going to work out.  It already is working out.

Also important is to remember, as a tool, to melt the ice, the frozen emotions which lie on top of the easy flowing water.  As the frozen emotions melt, they become one with the flow, they release the energy contained within those emotions that weren’t flowing before for even greater creativity.  Water has that unique quality of being less dense in the solid state than it is in the liquid state.  Thus ice floats, covering up the warmer water underneath.  I see this often in my practice, and is easily felt in patients’ pulses.  This is the burdening of unexpressed emotions, dampening the pulse, the Life Force, within the patient.  It takes energy to hold onto the emotions, often eventually to the detriment of our physical bodies, where the free flowing energy or Qi could be used instead to help heal our bodies and our minds and to open our hearts to the Greater Love that exists.  There are many effective tools to assist in the freeing of emotions, the melting of the ice caps, when the patient becomes willing to delve into the world of emotional healing and creative expression.

Water in dreams is often construed as emotions.  So, for example, when I dreamed of huge tidal waves rolling down my street overtaking my house, it was an indication of my very overwhelming emotional world at the time.  Or, when I dreamed I was trudging through three feet of snow, then I knew I had some emotional clearing work to do around specific current circumstances through which I was making my way. We experience life as emotional beings, this is our nature.  If we melt the old frozen emotions, then we make room for new emotions to come through, and they might actually be wonderful experiences including joy, peace, and love.

The end of my marriage was the beginning of emotional healing for me, and I have, through the last decade, discovered a deeper, more joyful and peaceful me, tapped into and used my own water to see what makes me tick, what I tend to hang onto, what I’m willing to release, learned to stretch my weave of understanding and willingness to be open to greater awareness, and always with the background, and sometimes foreground, knowing that my soul is never damaged, lost, or broken through my experiences in this life.

I am going to be near the ocean again soon.  There my embodied molecules of water will meet and greet with the great vastness of the molecules of water within the ocean, saying “Oh, yes!  We remember you, and we are so excited to be together again!”

Copyright Darkening of the Light 2020

Council of Twelve

Posted on by S.A. LyonHeart

An Experience in Spring of 2009
In a dream, I become aware of Seven, then quickly, Twelve Beings.  They are sitting, no, not sitting because these beings do not sit, they are in a circle, and are very clearly communicating about my soul and my life.  They discuss in great detail the paths I have taken since the year 2000 following the year prior’s choice to live.  

1999-2000:  I was given a clear message one day near the end of an unhappy marriage; actually the beginning of the end.  For years I had tried to escape the marriage through various means and one day I was doing something relatively mundane, like reading the newspaper, and suddenly a vision of my then husband appeared before me.  He was a couple of feet in front of me with his arm and hand outstretched toward me.  The end of his hand was a group of large tentacles and to my amazement I was seeing and feeling these tentacles deeply embedded in my left chest, above my breast. I was very aware and could see that he was taking the energy from my body. I was also aware that I was fully allowing it. From behind my right ear I heard a very distinct voice tell me that I have a choice to make.  I could leave this scenario in one of two ways.  One option was to develop breast cancer and transition out of this physical reality, and leave.   The other was to leave the relationship and create a new life for myself.  With this awareness, I knew somehow that I was going to leave, I just was not sure what choice I was going to make.  For me it was clearly a choice of life or death.  Death, at the time, seemed far easier than stepping out and creating a new life for awhile, and I found myself being seduced by the “easy” way out.  It took about a year to finally make the choice to live, and I left.  From that choice, my life and soul plan has been about resolving an immense amount of karma, both individual and familial, and quite possibly making a difference in the world karma by having made that choice to live and continue on a shift of soul path.   For a couple of years after I left, I would have odd moments of realization and surprise that I was still alive, as I adjusted to that new reality.  


Back to 2009: Recently, before this most recent dream with the Council of Twelve, I had been having a sense that the karma that that new soul path in 2000 set out to balance was complete, and that I was again coming upon another choice similar to the first one.  


Great discussion in the dream amongst the Twelve Beings was made about the karma healed and the progress and path of my soul since 2000, and I realized that there was also discussion amongst these Twelve Beings about where I will be of best service, whether this physical body serves my greatest purpose at this juncture, or would I be of better service in another realm and dimension.  Whilst I observed this conversation about my soul’s recent path and completion, my mind (of which they were all fully aware) was racing with all of my ego and third dimensional attachments, telepathizing as fast as I could, “Hey, I’ve just been accepted to pharmacy school, and started this great new clinic!  And, what about my children and family and friends?  I feel happy finally and want to live and observe this enormous transition on the planet!  I haven’t yet experienced the beautiful and connecting relationship I’ve worked all of these years clearing the path for.  Would you really just pluck me out, just like that?? Do I have any say in this??”  

They “heard” me just fine as they knew everything about me, and I knew that some of that was being taken into account, however what I profoundly came to understand was that my soul’s path from this moment on Earth in this human form is about what I want it to be; pure manifestation.  If it is determined that my soul will continue in this incarnate form for awhile longer, that as it does, my life is no longer about my personal or family karma, and is about putting into action my visions, my plans for service with all of the unique gifts I have brought with me.  It was also profoundly clear that there were far more important considerations than my chattering mind’s worries as to whether I am to stay or not.  Obviously before I incarnated in this form in this lifetime, I set forth a few goals, connections and junctures ahead of time as a soul embarking on this brief journey. 

Of course, I can be plucked out at any given moment, and possibly more useful in a different plane, even if I’m going to pharmacy school in August, or even if I have three wonderful boys I want to watch grow and live and mature, even if the remaining things I hold dear are gone in a moment, and even if my closest and dearest friends and family would miss my presence and light.  Why would my life be any different than anyone else’s?  If I am not fully cognizant of the outline my soul and helpers created, how am I to know consciously that I am complete?


I did not hear an answer in that dream, but I did receive the message that I have no need to “worry” about pharmacy school (I wasn’t consciously worried, but perhaps there is/was some subconscious worry), that I would have ample help from at least several of these Twelve Beings.  I mentally asked “how” and then I was shown, and through knowing, a download of information, a remembering.  They showed me this with great joy and laughter.  I felt that was pretty cool.  I once had a dream many years ago that as I placed my hand on a book that all of the knowledge within that book became known to me, and this vision was a lot like that.


The dream stuck with me for a few days, and I knew I was to write about it, possibly for further clarity, but also to document these messages.  On a personality level I was not too excited about the possibility that my human life might be over soon, and what does that mean for those around me, including logistics.  I figure since I wasn’t zapped out right away that I am meant to stay for a bit.  I was also profoundly struck with the message that I am here to love, love, love, in every moment, and to show love, express love, and essentially to love and it is through this love that all will manifest.

In one deep meditation in the months after this experience, I was aware that my soul was “negotiating” the kind of death I would experience.  One where I’d have ample time to put my affairs in order, and to say my temporary goodbyes and relay as much of my understanding of the process as I could to those who were interested.  I also had a sense of if I were to leave the physical realm, I’d have a few months left.  It was clear the big decision hadn’t yet been made.

A few weeks after that meditation, I felt an indescribable shift, and somehow I knew that the decision had been made.  I was to stay, yet again, for now, and more fully commit my life to service and to love.  From that moment on, pretty much everything in my life shifted.  Suddenly my second husband appeared, who was so obviously the right person for me, and we both knew it immediately.  I moved, I sold my house and released so much of my stuff, my beautiful cats who assisted in my healing in those transitional years ended their lives, I got married, my children moved on to their endeavors, I began pharmacy school, and am successfully fulfilling that vision.  It is pretty much a complete paradigm shift, like a fulfillment of the intentions and dreams I worked at for over a decade.  Suddenly it was all there.  I am still in awe to be here, and to be alive, and ever so grateful for this extended opportunity to live, love and serve.  


2010/2011: Since then I have experienced a few specific death occurrences which are significant.  One is my uncle’s passing from a brain tumor, and the other is a friend’s delivery of a stillborn child.  My cousin sent an email soon after her dad passed that had two pictures attached.  They were both of my uncle with his children approximately 1.5 weeks before he passed.  Even though I had a little fear of what the pictures might show, I was elated to see all of the love in the people in the pictures and the grin of pure joy on my uncle’s face.  He was swimming in a sea of love.  I do not know how peaceful his passing was, however I can tell without a doubt that he was surrounded with and exuded the greatest love there is.  I held that memory of his pure smile in my heart as I tended to my dear friend as she awaited the day she was to knowingly deliver her stillborn child.  As I placed my hands on her beautiful round belly, I could feel no life within, only an emptiness, however I could hear the soul of this unborn nonviable child, and all it had to relay was pure joy and gratitude to my friend for this experience.  There was definitely no sadness or anger on that little (big) soul’s part, solely gratitude and love for having shared this experience with my friend.  I felt so honored to be part of that and to experience the message.  On my human personality level I have felt grief and sorrow for my friend, and it was the first time I really ever wished I could do something for someone I knew I couldn’t do, so that I could spare her the pain and horror of it on a physical and emotional level.


Also, my cousin, Jenni, and my friend, Theresa recently passed on to the greater dimensions.  I think of both of their lives and how they lived them ever so fully.  They are both inspirations for me, to take the necessary risks to live life ever more fully.  On a human level, I feel sadness that they are no longer visiting Earth to share their lights, but I know, without a doubt, that they are still in all of our hearts, as our angels and our inspirations for our own lives.


Thank you to the Council of Twelve, and my Higher Self for each day that I awaken! 

Copyright Darkening of the Light 2020

Masculine and Feminine in Balance

Posted on by S.A. LyonHeart

“My internal masculine and feminine selves show respect and appreciation for each other.”

Daily Thought for Tuesday, March 10, 2009
by Master Djwhal Khul  

The yin and the yang in balance and harmony with each other, is the key to great health. The yin, the feminine, being the stillness, the resting, the quiet, is utterly important for our physical, mental and emotional rejuvenation. It’s about being present with ourselves, and going within to hear that “still, small voice”, which sometimes isn’t so small, especially the longer we ignore it. The feminine is our intuitive aspect, the receptivity of the Divine. Often in our society, and maybe many others, people do not go to this place of stillness, of receptivity, of rejuvenation so that they can have the energy they need for the yang, or masculine aspects of their lives: the activity, the expression, the action, the sharing with others, the creativity. If there is too much doing, and not enough being, then there is imbalance.

I find this often in my practice, and it can be felt in a person’s pulses. This can result in taking action where the action may not be so Divinely inspired and not coming from the most heart-centered place possible, thus causing more problems than creative solutions.   The opposite is also seen in practice and in life. Where there’s plenty of stillness and intuition coming through, but no action being taken upon it.  This can lead to stagnation and illness, both physical and emotional.  I often feel in the pulses of my patients an oppressive energy that weighs down the vibrancy of the true pulse.  I translate this into the energy of not taking action on something that needs taking action. The patient often knows what it is because they are so intuitive, and that’s not where the energy is stuck.  Sometimes they do not know because the energy is so stuck, and once it gets flowing again through their taking action in some part of their lives, then life overall begins to flow and they can make good, heart-centered decisions.  

The perfect balance and flow is when the Divinely guided intuitive “hit” comes through, and we can express it and take action on it immediately. No questioning “what if, yeah but, if only…” just take action. Then we are in the flow of Life and this is the masculine taking action, respecting the feminine intuition and stillness. It is also the feminine appreciating the ability of the masculine to take action.

There is much to be appreciated about the masculine and feminine being in good communication and mutually respecting each others’ importance. This can require a fair amount of trust.  Trust that our intuitive hits are truly coming from a higher (or heart) place, and trusting that our taking action is for our greatest good.  I think it’s also about life being a place where we can try these things, lean into them, and see where they take us.  This may seem risky, especially at first, but the more the inner masculine and feminine cooperate the more easily life flows.  

I have observed and experienced, this is often, or maybe even always, demonstrated through our relationships. We attract those who provide balance for us. For example, when I was young and newly married, I was the ultimate yin, or feminine and nurturing , aspect with very little of the masculine; whereas, my husband at the time was the epitomy of the masculine, the breadwinner, the decision-maker, As I grew older, and more into myself embracing more of my masculine side, which for me meant expressing my unique self, and taking action on those things that were important to me, this gave my husband at the time an opportunity to look at and embrace the qualities of his feminine and receptive, nurturing side so that we could once again balance each other at this new level.

Unfortunately, my masculine appeared to be too challenging for his hidden feminine, and at the time he wasn’t willing to go there, so instead of growing together, we grew apart. I took my new level of feminine/masculine balance, or relative imbalance, out into the world of relationship, with many results.   There have been many shifts and changes over the years with my goal of being more balanced in my feminine and masculine aspects, and honoring both.  I feel I’ve gotten myself to a good place.  I am able to live an intuitive life, and can take action or express myself accordingly.  I don’t know what this means relationship-wise, since I am not currently in one that will mirror my level of balance of my inner feminine and masculine, but I look forward to finding out and seeing where my inner feminine and masculine might need more attention in mutual respect and appreciation.   Many Blessings to All of You, You Wonderful Beings of the Inner Feminine and Masculine!  

(Within two months of writing this in March 2009, I met my second husband, who also presented as balanced feminine/masculine, confirming, at the time, my awareness.)

Copyright Darkening of the Light 2020