Car Dream 2003

If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.

Lao Tzu

A man and a woman are in a car on a mountain road in the foggy, rainy night.  He is driving, she’s in the passenger seat.  They are intently discussing a subject, either the car or the drive or something pertaining to their relationship.  The man is frustrated with either the driving or the discussion.  After several near misses on the sharp dark curves in the road, he veers off the road into a ditch. 

Morning dawns.  It’s still foggy and damp.  I am at the site, looking at the car.  The man is off in the distance, in the woods, but I am not concerned with him.   I walk around to the other side of the car to find the woman lying behind the car in a mud puddle.    I lean over and grab her under the arms and drag her over to the car.  I lift her into the rear seat.  I lean over her limp body as I struggle with the logistics of buckling her in.  I finally get her in and take a look at her.  Her dark hair was matted against her head, her face pale, her eyes dull.

 I asked , “Are you all right?”

She vaguely replied with her eyes, “You are holding my spirit inside of you.  I will be much better if you can please give me back my spirit.”

I took a huge deep breath, filling my lungs completely and put my mouth on hers and force my breath into her body.  I blow and blow, without taking a breath myself.  As I blow, I look into her eyes and watch them grow brighter and brighter.  I watched her skin fluorish with vitality.  I continue to blow and blow and blow into her mouth, without taking a breath.

I jolted awake, breathless.  “Wow, what a dream!” I thought to herself.  I lay in bed, breathing deeply,  and reflected on the images that flowed through my mind, reminders of the very recent dream.  So real, so meaningful, I realized, as I attempted to put it together.  

I get up out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to begin my morning routine.  As I look in the mirror, I ponder what I observe looking back at me.  As I stood there, I thought about the woman in the dream, and suddenly realized that the woman in the car was me!  The woman was asking for her life to be given back to her.  I have had this power to give myself life all along, but it wasn’t until she asked and really wanted life, could I provide it to myself.   With a small grin, I remarked to myself that a man dragged me into the mud puddle, but he is now inconsequential to my living my life fully, and it is up to my how I proceed.  I realized implicitly the meaning of that!  It’s up to me to drag myself out of the mud, get myself into the car, buckle in for the ride, and blow the life back into myself!  Tingling with this great message, I vowed to myself, “There’s no going back to lifeless, this life is for me to live, it’s an adventure.”

However as the days pass, I begin to doubt myself.  How am I to move into this great new life full of vitality?  I don’t know how, how can I possibly do it on my own?  I become afraid of the future and what it means to live that life I feel I was meant to live.  I knows I’m full of life and vitality and that it needs to be expressed… but how?

The I Ching

The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.

Alan Watts

The I Ching: The Book of Changes
 is an ancient Chinese divination system that involves 64 distinct hexagrams or archetypes which are created from the yin and yang, or feminine and masculine, dual possibility of each of the six lines that comprise each hexagram. Yin and Yang (feminine and masculine) represent the duality of the oneness of the Universe, and the interaction and mutuality of yin and yang gives meaning and information to all experiences and existence. Life is ever-changing. The interpretations of the sixty-four hexagrams describe the energy of human life divided into sixty-four types of situations, relationships or dilemmas. Each hexagram can be analyzed in a number of ways. The hexagrams is comprised of two trigrams, one upper and one lower. Each of the eight trigrams represents one of the eight fundamental elements: sky (Heaven), earth, thunder, wind, water, fire, mountain, and lake.

Each line of a hexagram is generally determined by a toss of three coins (heads and tails combinations) which add to create one of four options, yin line (unchanging), yin line (changing into yang line), yang line (unchanging) or yang line (changing into yin line).  The six lines are built from the bottom up, lines one through six. 

If there are changing lines in the throw, this represents the information needed for the individual to progress, or possible warnings, and the hexagram that results after the advice is followed or warnings heeded is the likely outcome of the reading.

I have studied the I Ching daily for over eight years, and use the wisdom and insight to understand myself better and contemplate the occurrences and life transitions.  It is not unusual for me to cast some coins for information on an upcoming event, or to gain further insight on a relationship or occurence in the past.  Recently I have added study into Human Design as well as Gene Keys to gain even further insight into my own astrology and DNA as it relates to the I Ching and the evolution of my own life.

The morning of the day my family, friends, and I were scheduled to convene for the Rogue River raft trip, I cast a reading for the 3 day raft trip.  By the time I did the reading, I was already feeling nauseous and filled with trepidation, in complete contrast to the several weeks prior where I felt much excited anticipation at seeing my dear friends and family, and the reading fully supported these new uneasy feeling.

The hexagram that was revealed that morning before the journey commenced, was hexagram 36 (Darkening of the Light), with three changing lines (numbers 2, 3, and 4) to number 54 (The Marrying Maiden). 

 Copyright Darkening of the Light 2020

Masculine and Feminine in Balance

“My internal masculine and feminine selves show respect and appreciation for each other.”

Daily Thought for Tuesday, March 10, 2009
by Master Djwhal Khul

The yin and the yang in balance and harmony with each other, is the key to great health. The yin, the feminine, being the stillness, the resting, the quiet, is utterly important for our physical, mental and emotional rejuvenation. It’s about being present with ourselves, and going within to hear that “still, small voice”, which sometimes isn’t so small, especially the longer we ignore it. The feminine is our intuitive aspect, the receptivity of the Divine. Often in our society, and maybe many others, people do not go to this place of stillness, of receptivity, of rejuvenation so that they can have the energy they need for the yang, or masculine aspects of their lives: the activity, the expression, the action, the sharing with others, the creativity. If there is too much doing, and not enough being, then there is imbalance.

I find this often in my practice, and it can be felt in a person’s pulses. This can result in taking action where the action may not be so Divinely inspired and not coming from the most heart-centered place possible, thus causing more problems than creative solutions.   The opposite is also seen in practice and in life. Where there’s plenty of stillness and intuition coming through, but no action being taken upon it.  This can lead to stagnation and illness, both physical and emotional.  I often feel in the pulses of my patients an oppressive energy that weighs down the vibrancy of the true pulse.  I translate this into the energy of not taking action on something that needs taking action. The patient often knows what it is because they are so intuitive, and that’s not where the energy is stuck.  Sometimes they do not know because the energy is so stuck, and once it gets flowing again through their taking action in some part of their lives, then life overall begins to flow and they can make good, heart-centered decisions.  

The perfect balance and flow is when the Divinely guided intuitive “hit” comes through, and we can express it and take action on it immediately. No questioning “what if, yeah but, if only…” just take action. Then we are in the flow of Life and this is the masculine taking action, respecting the feminine intuition and stillness. It is also the feminine appreciating the ability of the masculine to take action.

There is much to be appreciated about the masculine and feminine being in good communication and mutually respecting each others’ importance. This can require a fair amount of trust.  Trust that our intuitive hits are truly coming from a higher (or heart) place, and trusting that our taking action is for our greatest good.  I think it’s also about life being a place where we can try these things, lean into them, and see where they take us.  This may seem risky, especially at first, but the more the inner masculine and feminine cooperate the more easily life flows.  

I have observed and experienced, this is often, or maybe even always, demonstrated through our relationships. We attract those who provide balance for us. For example, when I was young and newly married, I was the ultimate yin, or feminine and nurturing , aspect with very little of the masculine; whereas, my husband at the time was the epitomy of the masculine, the breadwinner, the decision-maker, As I grew older, and more into myself embracing more of my masculine side, which for me meant expressing my unique self, and taking action on those things that were important to me, this gave my husband at the time an opportunity to look at and embrace the qualities of his feminine and receptive, nurturing side so that we could once again balance each other at this new level.

Unfortunately, my masculine appeared to be too challenging for his hidden feminine, and at the time he wasn’t willing to go there, so instead of growing together, we grew apart. I took my new level of feminine/masculine balance, or relative imbalance, out into the world of relationship, with many results.   There have been many shifts and changes over the years with my goal of being more balanced in my feminine and masculine aspects, and honoring both.  I feel I’ve gotten myself to a good place.  I am able to live an intuitive life, and can take action or express myself accordingly.  I don’t know what this means relationship-wise, since I am not currently in one that will mirror my level of balance of my inner feminine and masculine, but I look forward to finding out and seeing where my inner feminine and masculine might need more attention in mutual respect and appreciation.   Many Blessings to All of You, You Wonderful Beings of the Inner Feminine and Masculine!  

(Within two months of writing this in March 2009, I met my second husband, who also presented as balanced feminine/masculine, confirming, at the time, my awareness.)

Copyright Darkening of the Light 2020